Saturday, January 9, 2010

Pressing On

It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word

And then that word grew louder and louder
'Til it was a battle cry

I'll come back
When you call me
No need to say goodbye

Just because everything's changing
Doesn't mean it's never
Been this way before

All you can do is try to know
Who your friends are
As you head off to the war

Pick a star on the dark horizon
And follow the light

You'll come back
When it's over
No need to say good bye

You'll come back
When it's over
No need to say good bye

Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it too
Doesn't mean that you have to forget

Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
'Til they're before your eyes

You'll come back
When they call you
No need to say good bye



For those of you who don't know, I've spent the last two years working as part of a full time music mission team, playing concerts in schools, churches, prisons, homeless shelters, shopping malls, and anywhere else they would let us in, both domestically and overseas. It was a phenomenal experience- one that I am privileged to have had- but even now, I struggle with referring to it in the past tense. The lessons learned from living as part of such a tight community are unfathomable. The benefit of having six other people committed to keeping you accountable and encouraging you to maintain your focus is an extraordinary blessing. The years flew by. And yet, here I am, back at home, struggling to put my life back together again. Not that it ever really fell apart. But it changed. And then changed again. Abruptly. Both times. So now I'm left with growing pains and scars.


Like scars, the experiences that created the emotional and physical changes are still part of me. They didn't go away when my years on the road ended. They have stayed with me as a reminder of the lessons that were (or should have been) learned.

I am beginning to realize more and more that I, myself, am mostly to blame for my misapprehension of the situation. I thought, when I left Minnesota and the ministry I love so much to come back home for a time, that I had to be DONE. I had to have finished my business there, neatly found closure for all of my two years of experiences, said goodbye to my new family, and be ready to move on to where God had me going next. It never really occurred to me that I didn't have to be saying goodbye at all. I understood and even expected the pain of change. I knew I wasn't the first person to have experienced it. But I didn't understand that putting the experience behind me didn't mean closing it up, framing it to look at when I was feeling reminiscent. I was putting it behind me so that I could pull from it. I was putting it behind me support. A place to fall back on. 


So, why am I sharing this with you? So that you don't do what I did. Don't compartmentalize your life- bottling up each experience and putting them on a shelf for memories. If those experiences were powerful enough to change your life, use them to change someone else's.   


The song above is actually featured in The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian, and it nicely sums up what I've been thinking. This is, by no means, a conclusive opinion on the subject. It's something that I'm sure I'll be trying to understand ten years from now. I just thought I'd share what I have so far.





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